The True Love...

Warning: This post is for non-married people only. Married people, you already made your choice.... good luck!

As far as the human goes, or at least men,......or at least me. The demand for love isn't just one market, it is many. We have different desires that are all associated with the opposite gender, but unfortunately they don't always agree. One day we can feel closer to woman (or man) A and tomorrow we can be more interested in woman (or man) B. So let us answer the age old questions about selection. Which one should be the one? What kind of feelings are the most noble to act upon? Can this author really establish some ethos to pull off this post?

We will answer all those questions and more. We will generalize the three desires for companionship, and establish the awesomeness of a person to be the long-run sum of those attributes.

The first is physical. No explanation.

The second is on a personality basis. How much you enjoy their company, how well you can communicate, etc...

The third is the desire for consistency and maintaining a comfort level. Meaning an incumbent (or existing) prospect has an advantage over a newly-emerging one, because the familiarity and consistency is something we all seek. 

So the question is, how do we find the best long-run fit? Well, it's simple. In order for you to have an internal battle over two people, it must be that the sum of the three attributes is relatively close in the short run. In fact, in the short run there may be few differences in choosing one person over another. However, in the long run, there could be adverse differences.

Let us define the short run benefits simply as the sum of physical (A), emotional (B), and familiar face(C) attributes. So overall attraction (short run)  = A + B + C, where A, B, and C represent the current values.  However, over time the benefits will change in each area. So in ten years the overall attraction could = aA + bB, where a and b are scalars determined by functions of time relative to changes in importance of certain attractions. You may have noticed that we have eliminated factor C (familiar face) from the equation in the long run. The reason is that all candidates you could choose in the short run will return similar familiar face benefits in the long run, assuming you spend comparable amounts of time with them. So you still will receive benefits from that attribute, but in comparison it's more or less irrelevant. The 'a' will probably be <1, meaning that physical attractiveness has marginally diminishing returns over time, whereas 'b' is likely >1, meaning that personality matches have increasing returns over time.

So who should you pick? Well, it depends on how long you want it to last. Being religious, I have a hope for a marriage that lasts an eternity, going past the bounds of this life. Using limits, it is clear that personality matches and emotional connections are infinitely important in the long, long run, and physical attractiveness is literally irrelevant. Also, the desire to find consistency is irrelevant, because that is something that will grow with the fact that you are with the person forever.

So, the fairy tale cliches' seem to hold true for another day. Long-term love is about companionship, getting along, enjoying each other's company, etc... However, these relationships are certainly blessed by other aspects, such as having someone to consistently be with and physical interaction. So all the things are important once you are with someone, but in terms of choosing finding a personality match is essential.